5-Minute Self-as-Friend Check-In

Time needed: 5 minutes (90-90-120 seconds)

Setting: Quiet moment for reflection

Purpose: Shifting self-care from obligation to compassionate friendship

Friend Perspective Shift (90 seconds)

   What: Imagine your closest friend in your situation:

- Picture friend feeling how you feel right now

- Notice what you’d observe about their state

- Ask “What would I see that they’re carrying?”

- Consider “What would I want for them?”

- Write or think what you’d genuinely say to support them

  Notice: How different your tone is with friend versus yourself, gentleness that emerges naturally, care you’d offer without hesitation

  Why: Activates compassion circuitry, bypasses harsh self-judgment, reveals what you actually need

Self-as-Friend Principle: We often extend kindness to others that we deny ourselves. Friendship perspective unlocks genuine self-care wisdom.

Friend Conversation (90 seconds)

   What: Have actual dialogue with yourself as friend:

- Ask aloud or write: “What do you need right now, friend?”

- Listen for honest answer (not “should” answer)

- Respond as caring friend would: “That makes sense because…”

- Validate the need without fixing: “Of course you need that”

- Give permission friend would give: “You deserve to…”

  Notice: Resistance to hearing your own needs, what emerges when truly listening, permission that feels forbidden

  Why: Legitimises self-care needs, removes shame from wanting care, creates self-trust through validation

Friend Wisdom: A good friend validates needs before solving problems. They say “that’s hard” before “here’s what to do.”

Friendship Action (120 seconds)

   What: Take one small friend-to-friend action:

- Choose something you’d do for friend without question

- Examples: Make favourite tea, text someone supportive, take actual break, say no to one thing, move body gently, step outside

- Do it now if possible, or schedule specifically

- While doing it, say “I’m caring for my friend (your name)”

- Notice how it feels to receive friend-level care

  Notice: Difference between grudging self-care and gift-giving care, worthiness that emerges, how body receives kindness

  Why: Transforms self-care from duty to relationship, builds self-worth through action, creates positive care cycle

Closing: Place hand on heart, say “I am worthy of my own friendship”

Notice: Quality of self-relationship shifting

Why: Anchors self-as-friend practice

Why Friendship Framework Matters:

- Removes harsh self-judgment

- Activates natural compassion

- Makes self-care feel legitimate

- Shifts from obligation to relationship

- Builds genuine self-worth

- Creates sustainable motivation

Friend Test Questions:

- “Would I expect friend to push through this?”

- “What would I tell friend they deserve?”

- “How would I speak to friend right now?”

- “What care would I insist friend receive?”

- “Would I judge friend for needing this?”

Self-Care as Friendship:

- Friends don’t earn care—they receive it

- Friends get compassion not criticism

- Friends deserve rest not just productivity

- Friends need support not perfection

- Friends are valued for being, not doing

Tips:

- Use friend’s name in your mind

- Speak aloud for stronger effect

- Notice judgment-free tone

- Give what you’d give friend

- Let yourself receive care

- Build daily friendship moments

- Track how self-talk shifts

Common Realisations:

- “I’d never speak to friend this way”

- “I’d insist friend take break”

- “I wouldn’t expect friend to cope alone”

- “Friend would deserve gentleness here”

- “I’m allowed same care I give”

Integration Practice:

Throughout day, pause and ask:

“What would I want for my friend right now?”

Then give yourself that care.