4-Minute Deep Listening Practice

Time needed: 4 minutes (90-90-120 seconds)

Setting: Any conversation where someone needs to be heard

Purpose: Creating genuine presence and connection through mindful listening

Listening Foundation (90 seconds)

What: As you sit down together:

- Plant feet firmly on ground, uncross arms

- Take one conscious breath, soften facial muscles

- Make gentle eye contact, let your body settle

- Silently set intention: "I'm here to understand"

Notice: Your impulse to fix/advise/respond, physical tension, quality of your presence

Why: Creates receptive state, signals safety to speaker, establishes listening container

Full Presence Listening (90 seconds)

What: As they speak:

- Let their words land without planning responses

- Notice their tone, pace, energy - not just content

- Track your urge to interrupt or relate your own story

- When mind wanders, gently return to their voice

Notice: Where your attention goes, physical responses to their emotions, moments of genuine curiosity arising

Why: Deepens understanding, builds empathy, honors their experience

Spacious Response (120 seconds)

What: When they pause:

- Take one breath before speaking

- Reflect back what you heard without interpretation

- Ask one genuine question about their experience

- Offer presence rather than solutions unless asked

Notice: Quality of silence between you, their response to being truly heard, any shift in connection

Why: Validates their experience, creates safety for deeper sharing, builds trust

Closing: Brief acknowledgment of what they've shared

Notice: How quality listening affects both of you

Why: Honors the gift of being trusted with someone's story

Tips:

- Your presence is the gift, not your advice

- Comfortable silences deepen connection

- Listen for feelings beneath words

- Trust that being heard is healing

- Let go of fixing or solving